She becomes accustomed to adopting her narcissistic mother’s beliefs, perceptions, and opinions as reality. The child begins to doubt his or her own perceptions and over time loses confidence in her ability to make decisions or accurately perceive what goes on around her.
When this perception comes from the person upon whom you depend for your food, shelter and protection, a young child most often accepts the parent’s “reality” over his own. His choices are limited he can either stick with his own perception or adopt his parent’s perception. Cognitive dissonance makes people uncomfortable, even children, and so the child has to find a way to resolve that uncomfortable conflict. Having a mother who will tell a child he/she is always wrong in order to make herself right skews a child’s perceptions and sets up a “cognitive dissonance” in the child. This is more than just ‘crazy-making’-it can be devastating to a young child’s ability to learn to think critically and make accurate assessments of the world around him or her. Narcissistic mothers can be especially detrimental to a child.
A narcissist is unable to do this as that would require acknowledging that he is not perfect. We apologize to the hurt party and continue to have a healthy, solid sense of ourselves as positive human beings. When we look deeply into ourselves and know we have been wrong, we are able to say “I make mistakes”. He believes he is invincible and perfect. I lost that promotion because my team let me down”, “You were acting so stupid-you made me hit you.”, “If you weren’t so cold, I wouldn’t have had that affair”).Ī narcissist will never admit even horrendous mistakes and when confronted, he will deflect, delay, and tell more lies. The narcissist cannot accept responsibility for making a mistake and he is expert at diverting the blame to others – (“It’s not my fault. The narcissist is never, ever wrong, and he likes to present “proof” that he is correct. What does he do when he does make a mistake? The parents defended their child’s inconsiderate, cruel behavior they believed that their extraordinary child did not have to follow common social rules that apply only to others- not to their child. If someone got in his way, he would simply push him aside or knock him down.
This “golden child” learned very early that he had free rein over others. The damage to another person’s life was just collateral and necessary to his own immediate goals. What is the difference between a Big Ego and Narcissism?.What is the difference between Self Love and Narcissism?.He learned as a child to exploit and manipulate other human beings- to win at any cost.
His parents did not provide a sense of limits or respect for other human beings. As a child, he was not held accountable for his mistakes, lies or cruelties. His personality is built on a “false self”, believing that he is a superior, perfect being without flaws. Truth is a foreign concept to the narcissist. A narcissist develops a pathological sense of self-entitlement very early. How did he get this way?Ī narcissist grew up believing from his earliest years that he is special and was most likely treated that way even as a small child. He views himself as superior to everyone and, thus, always right. When we are genuinely sorry, we have to admit that we hurt someone and it also means that we are taking responsibility for the pain we have caused.Ī narcissist is never sorry because he (or she) perceives himself as perfect. “I’m sorry.” Those are two of the most difficult words for most people to be able to honestly say. Last Updated on Apby Alexander Burgemeester